What To Do When The Narcissist Knows You Have Figured Them Out?

What to do when the Narcissist knows You have Figured them out? The relationship might start to feel like a warzone when the narcissist knows that you have figured them out. How can you save yourself from the chaos that is coming your way? Let us know that further.

Knowing your partner is a narcissist, might make you sad and also compel you to confront them, to seek your vengeance for all the sufferings that you might have had because of them. But you might also be worried as you might have heard the consequences of how narcissists may get paranoid when they have been exposed.

You might constantly be worried, about what to expect, and whether you should be prepared emotionally for emotional combat.

When you know the ugly truth about the narcissist and their narcissistic personality disorder, the first step you want to do is confront them, break the relationship with them, stop falling victim to their mind games, tell others about their nasty reality, and make them repent for their irreversible deeds.

But would exposing the true form of a narcissist would change anything? Would it benefit you if you knew the truth about them and tried to make your way to make them accept their bad deeds?

You as a victim of narcissistic abuse might not be able to understand how destructive the narcissist can be until you are free from their toxicity.

once you make up your mind as a victim of narcissistic abuse, and decide to leave the toxic relationship, there are some facts you must know before you act and part ways with them. Also, it would help if you were prepared for the aftermath of the situation when they know you know. So let us understand the narcissistic mindset first.

Understanding the narcissistic mindset

Narcissists have a rasp personality from the outside, but in reality, they have a shallow interior. Their core personality is just built on hoax traits that they project to gain attention. They do not know their true persona and thus project insecurities on others. They are conditioned to give what they receive.

In some cases, they are unaware of who they are or do not like themselves even if they know. Due to the absence of self-love, they project hatred toward others too. They often only project the good things about themselves which often includes perfectionism.

They do not know how to appreciate and be grateful for other people’s feelings. They would never even consider looking inward for once as they do not know self-love, thus seeking external validation just to feel good about themselves.

Narcissists are always at a flight risk, regarding them being exposed. Thus when they know that you have figured them out, their reaction can be unpredictable, which is on the nasty side. They would be angry, and confused. They would want to either suppress the matter or divert it.

How to Recognize a Narcissist?

The DSM (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), which is a reference book broadly used by psychology experts and mental health professionals worldwide, provides clear references describing mental disorders, their symptoms, and everything related to them.

DSM describes everything clearly, making the diagnosis process transparent. Thus to determine whether someone is narcissistic, there is a list of symptoms mentioned in the DSM-V, out of which if the individual has any five or at least five or all symptoms then they can be termed under the category of narcissists.

Having one or two traits of narcissism is usual, but when a person’s social functioning is hindered due to certain behavioral traits, then it may qualify them for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Let us know the symptoms list according to the DSM,

  • Having a self-perception of being perfect, intelligent, superior, attractive, powerful, etc.
  • Needing to get constant attention from other people.
  • Obsession with fantasies like having unlimited success, the power that may daunting, fame, unsurpassed intelligence (the cerebral narcissist), unavoidable charm, and beauty (the somatic narcissist), incomparable sexual performance (sexual narcissist), or everlasting attractiveness.
  • To achieve personal gains and growth, exploit others.
  • Being jealous and having a perception that others might be equally jealous of them.
  • Having a sense of entitlement and expectations of being treated as someone superior or greater than others.
  • Self-perception of being grandiose, unique, high-status, and superior to others.
  • Unwillingness to have empathy and sympathy for others, their wishes, feelings, and emotions.
  • Requires excessive adoration, attention, and validation in the affirmations.
  • Lacks Empathy.
  • Arrogance

These traits affect the lives of narcissistic individuals so evidently that they are unable to develop meaningful relationships with others. This means they have unhealthy relations with their partners, hardly make friends, cannot adjust with others, and have difficulty maintaining relations.

How do Narcissists react when they know you have figured them out?

These reactions may vary for different narcissistic individuals. These are some of the generic retorts that you may face,

They will use trauma bonding to tackle you

Narcissists may try to recollect all the memories from the past lay them on to you, and try to create a trauma bond with you immediately when you figure them out. This is their combat trick to remind you of the beautiful memories that you had together and also to keep you hooked on the relationship.

Trauma bonding is a type of emotional bond that the narcissist forms in the form of emotional attachment, that may develop from repetitive traumatic and manipulative behavioral experiences. So when they do this, they are just manipulating you into believing one of their lies of changing and being better and also leading you to believe in their fake apologies. They trick you into reminiscing the good old days which would lead you to forgive them.

They will try to manipulate you with projections

Projection means a justification of one’s action by accusing or pointing fingers at others. It is a reaction or a repulse action that is an outcome of one’s guilt, wrongdoing, or something that one is not proud of in particular or is not ready to accept or reflect on oneself. This makes it easy to deal with a difficult situation, without much remorse.

Narcissistic projections are like their hidden superpower according to them. They use it out of nowhere and leave you perplexed. They use these projections as a defense mechanism when they feel they would be exposed or their grandiose image is being questioned or tarnished.

When something you said triggers a narcissist or points out their wrongdoing; they cannot take this in any circumstances. Remember that they do not take criticism well. They would be all hyped up and agitated to provide a counter-argument that satisfies their ego and proves that they are right and have been wrongly pointed at.

So until they transfer all blame on you they would not stop their narcissistic projections. You can be the victim of narcissistic projections on multiple instances wherever you try to prove a narcissist wrong or challenge their toxic personality.

They would try to recommence the relationship

They would tell you to reconsider everything and try to make you sentimental. They would not ask for forgiveness but also not allow you to move out of the relationship. They would ask you to forget everything about their narcissistic personality disorder, or just slide it aside, and recommence the relationship on new grounds.

They might even make it as a joke about them having some problem and also sarcastically make a point that the problem might be with you. They might also ask you to leave the past behind and ask you to forget about the toxic treatment and try the relationship on a fresh basis with them as they would not want to lose their source of supply.

What To Do When The Narcissist Knows You Have Figured Them Out?

It would be essential for you to know what to do when the narcissist knows you have figured them out. This would ensure that you make the right moves and take the right steps. While you sidestep from the narcissist, make sure you manage your emotions well and do not get swayed by them.

Let us know a few ways for what to do when the narcissist knows you have figured them out,

Set Boundaries

Narcissists hardly respect other people’s boundaries and often try to cross them thus it becomes crucial to mark your boundaries clearly as their behavior is ego-driven. Setting boundaries might upset the narcissist at first, but with time this would ensure your mental peace, individuality, privacy, and worth.

Be less accessible to them so that they cannot abuse you emotionally. You decide for yourself what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Setting boundaries would allow you to not break them thus preventing you from giving into narcissistic manipulative tactics. Also, set consequences and make them aware of them when the narcissist tries to break the boundaries.

Stop giving them attention

Narcissists thrive upon attention, thus making them starve of it is the best way to plan your exit from the relationship if you wish to do so. Attention is the most powerful tool that you can use to sore the narcissist’s ego and thus carve a safe way for you to move out from the relationship.

Seek Professional Help

If you feel dealing with a narcissist all by yourself is a little too tough for you, you should always seek help from professionals. Seeking help may detangle many complicated and confusing emotional knots for you.

Dealing with narcissists may be emotionally draining for you, thus seeking help from mental health professionals or counselors could come to your rescue immediately in messed up situations. Because when the narcissist knows that you know their true persona, they will try to create a living hell for you to stop you from exposing them.

Leave them for good

Leaving the narcissist would not be an easy process, especially when you know the truth. They would manipulate you by using various tactics and not allow you to leave them. But you must stick to your decision and not let them manipulate you. Do not give them another chance by giving in to their tactics.

Do not fall into the trap of the flattering dialogues and conversations they may try to make with you. Make sure to collect and make duplicate copies of all important documents before you exit. These documents may include passports, identity proofs, bank statements, and so on.

When you leave do not settle alone, stay with friends or family if possible so that they are unable to reach you and harass you no more. This way you can protect yourself and stop yourself from swaying away from the decision to leave them.

What happens when you confront a narcissist?

There may be a few consequences when you confront a narcissist,

They may try to reestablish their control and power

Why confronting may be not so a good idea when you know the truth regarding the narcissist? – Because they will isolate you, manipulate you, control you, and try to overpower and overrule your life decisions just to ensure that their secret is safe with you and you do not expose them.

Their behavior may be nasty

When they know you know, they will try to teach you a lesson and stop you from uncovering more truths. They would cross boundaries, use could language, and may also use physical and emotional violence to teach you a lesson.

They may think that they are entitled to such manipulative behaviors as gaslighting, withholding, etc. as your partners. Thus confrontation may call in for uninvited troubles.

Final Thoughts

What are some ways to deal with a narcissist when you know their truth? – If you wish to work out the relationship with the narcissist even after knowing their truth, then you may seek help from professionals.

You can also choose to confront them, but by being a little more cautious of the consequences.

You can also also leave them, if the abuse is too much for for you. Seek help from friends and family.

Ultimately all that matters is your happiness, your priorities, and your well-being, so choose accordingly and wisely.

Ella Carrillo

Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field. From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

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