How To React When Narcissists Accuse You of What They Are Doing?

How to react when Narcissists accuse you of what they are Doing? It is a really frustrating situation when a narcissist plays the victim in many problems and blames you for everything that they have been doing. So what should you be doing in such cases?

What to do when a Narcissist accuses you of doing what they are doing? Have you ever encountered such a situation, where you have been gaslighted for someone or something you are not? This often happens when you are either dealing with an abuser or a narcissist when they blame you constantly for their negative traits or call you out as someone that you are not! So how to deal with such situations when a narcissist blames you for what they are doing and how to save your image?

When such a situation takes place, where you have been wrongly called out for which you are not indeed, either you feel helpless or you really start doubting yourself for the accusations that they have been accusing you of. This situation is often known as playing the victim, where a culprit themselves plays the victim and blames the innocent. It can also be categorized as the tactic of blame-shifting or scapegoating. There are many ways to explain this situation when an abuser blames the victim as the culprit. Let us get to know each tactic in detail further.

What does Playing the Victim mean?

Playing the victim is a situation when an individual acts innocent even though they are the ones at fault just to gain sympathy, aid, and attention from other people. It is a manipulative tactic usually applied by abusers, especially narcissists to pin on others for what they have been doing. They portray themselves as this innocent being, who is totally unaware of their wrongdoings and wishes to seek justice, sympathy, and help from others.

It is a tactic, where the wrongdoer tries to escape from their wrongdoings, and instead blames the victim as the culprit. This technique of playing the victim often involves victimizing one’s own self to get away from accepting the responsibilities and blame and highlighting one’s own sufferings and pain after creating havoc. It is a way for the culprit to distract attention from their faulty personality to their fake innocent and pitiful projected self.

Understanding the tactic of Blame-shifting and Scapegoating

Narcissists are experts at turning tables and blame-shifting. The blame shifter accuses others of their own mistakes and responsibilities. As the name suggests, it is a tactic where the wrongdoer holds the victim accountable for their mistakes. The blameshifting technique is often used to avoid criticism, face any sort of consequences, and also maintain one’s character.

Blameshifting can be done in many ways. The first is by directly blaming others by pointing fingers and accusing them of what they have not done. The second method is by dismissing their role and contribution completely and devaluing them. Third is by distorting the reality of the situation and changing the narrative of the situation. This third type usually works when a conversation is happening regarding a third party. Thus the game of blame-shifting is nasty and exploiting for innocent victims and narcissists are experts at this very game.

So what should you do when a narcissist blames you for behaving like them or doing what they do? Let us find out further in the article, as it becomes very crucial to handle this situation with care as it can be a strenuous situation for you and also you may also become the culprit due to the manipulative narcissist.

How to react when Narcissists accuse you of what they are doing?

Dealing with a narcissist is as is, a big task as you can imagine as you are absolutely unaware of the course of your interaction. They would usually use the dialogue, “Do not play the victim here”, or “Do not overwhelm yourself by acting like a narcissist.” They would simply distort the reality of the situation by gaslighting you and making you believe to commit to the wrongdoings that they have committed.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist requires a lot of patience, tolerance, and empathy. Being with them is challenging on many levels and there are many reasons why dealing with a narcissist is so difficult. Narcissists have a tendency to manipulate everyone associated with them and thus it becomes a tedious task to deal with them. One such manipulation tactic is playing the victim even if they are at major fault; and if that does workout out, then accusing you for playing the victim is their withdrawal technique to save themselves from the blame.

A narcissist will always have someone they accuse of ruining their life. It is invariably the same person the narcissist is trying to destroy.

-Narc Quotes

So here below are a few ways, “How to react when Narcissists accuse you of what they are doing?”

1. Do not argue or try to negotiate

Narcissists wish to have a heated fight as they accuse you of what they are doing. They are wishing to have a conflict here, and they would always like to blame you for every action and chaos that they have created. They would make a mess and pin it on you. So here what you can do is not get involved in the fight as they would cause more problems on your rebuttal.

If there is a minutest chance that causes a scene then a narcissist would definitely grab it and cause a ruckus by throwing a debate or a fight. So not arguing or throwing a rebuttal is the best way to save yourself from further getting accused of something that you have not done.

2. Change the Subject

Narcissists can easily be distracted when you show some interest in them by asking a question related to them. If you are getting confused as to how to deflect the topic, then you can simply switch over to another topic in which a narcissist shows a keen interest which is majorly about them or somehow related to them.

You may ask about their job, any business ideas if they have a business, their interests or hobbies, and what else is happening in their life. But if they are super angry or in the mood to debate, then these topics might not help as such. In such cases, you may use their assistance for any of your problems which can make them feel powerful and overwhelming.

3. Keep your self-worth in mind

A narcissist directly targets you to degrade you and make you feel low and bad. They always try to victimize the innocent by blameshifting and creating a make-believe situation where even you can be tricked by their manipulative tactics. Even though you are not at fault, they make you believe so and you might also start doubting your sanity here. But just remember here, you are much more worthy than their false accusations and do not let the narcissist brainwash you otherwise.

4. Staying calm and composed

Narcissists always are ready to provoke a reaction out of you, so refusing to engage in an argument or confrontation can be an effective way to avoid giving them attention. Not engaging in any kind of drama, arguments, discussions or disagreements may entirely close the topic off or at least subtle it down to some extent. Responding in a non-emotional, calm, and composed way can really beat their game. Showing them that their behavior is not going to affect you, may save you from all the drama and trauma.

Before reacting to anything that a narcissist might accuse you of, take a deep breath and try to calm yourself down. This will give you time to think about how to respond and respond in the best possible way than reacting impulsively and adding more to the already going drama.

Narcissists have a knack for provoking people and drawing them into arguments by blaming them with false accusations. Try to stay calm and rational as much as possible. Do not take the bait or get caught in a blame-shifting or victim-blaming game. Keep your emotions under control when dealing with a narcissist. It is important to remain calm and composed during the conversations. keeping your emotions under check becomes crucial here.

5. Ignore the topic as much as possible

You can easily ignore this topic by easily ignoring them. This is how you can win against a narcissist and their false accusations. Try walking away from them, changing the topic, or just shifting the focus of the conversation entirely. If a narcissist is present in the same vicinity, you may walk into another space or just move away from them. If a narcissist is calling or texting you to blame you, then you can simply hang up or just leave their texts on read. This way they will understand that you are hardly interested in talking about this topic and they might themselves change the topic.

6. Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries can help you maintain your emotional well-being in the first place. It is not possible entirely to stop the narcissist from blaming you and that too fake accusations, but it is absolutely possible to remind them of the boundaries now and then. Setting boundaries means clearly discussing about what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Stick to your boundaries and do not let them manipulate you.

Setting boundaries can help you in saving a lot of time, energy, and mental health. This can ensure that you remain unaffected by their behavior and protect your mental health. Narcissists tend to cross boundaries endlessly, thu being firm and holding up your limits is the best way you can protect yourself from their false accusations.

7. Prioritize your mental health and mental well-being

The most important and reasonable thing here is to think about your own well-being and protect your mental health at all costs. Prioritizing your mental health, by keeping a distance from such provocative topics, patterns of abuse, repetitive blame-shifting game, and getting emotionally drained. Distancing yourself from such situations and such people is the best way to protect your mental health. Thus you can easily prioritize your mental health and mental well-being.

8. Using facts and logic if you want a rebuttal

If you prove your case just by throwing facts and logic then this might provoke the narcissist and also they can be even more argumentative. But there’s also another possibility that they might totally withdraw from the topic eventually and this topic may get closed entirely. Narcissists are capable of emotional manipulation, but they might drop the topic entirely if they do not have a strong comeback.

9. Do not feel guilty about anything

According to a narcissist, they are always innocent and never tend to take responsibility for their fault. It is always someone else’s fault. Thus they always choose to play the innocent card or the victim card. They would always accuse others. So when others try to defend themselves as they are faultless and it is the narcissist who is at fault, the narcissist would simply flip out and accuse you of playing the victim to save themselves from the defamation to save their toxic self from being exposed.

Narcissists would blame you for what they are doing. This means they would blame you for their toxic behavior. Sometimes they would accuse you of playing the victim and many more things just to figure out your thoughts about them and the relationship. They would pin all the blame on you for whatever they have done wrong and also would blame you for behaving so. This is called gaslighting. It might really be their fault and you would definitely be the victim here, but instead, they would accuse you of the fault and also about playing the victim just to save their own troubled selves.

So do not fall for their trick, they are just trying to make you feel guilty and nothing more.


Dealing with a narcissist is as is tough and it worsens when they blame you for what they have been doing. They would blame you for their toxicity. So do not get threatened, do not feel guilty, prioritize your mental health and stay calm and composed. These are the ways you can get out of the situation and save yourself from all the accusations.

Ella Carrillo

Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field. From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

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