10 Things That Happen When You Discard The Narcissist First
What happens when you discard the Narcissist first? When you decide to finally take that crucial, challenging, and tough step to finally cut ties and get rid of the narcissist, how would they react?
When you are done with the narcissist’s manipulation and abuse, it is when you wish to escape the abusive atmosphere. But it is not easy and you may need to make a concrete decision if you truly wish to discard the narcissist. Once you have made up your mind it is still not easy to discard them.
Narcissists tend to linger around and hoover around their victims even after parting ways with them. Now it is impossible to get rid of the narcissist completely. Simply asking them to never contact you would not do much. They might be constantly breaking your boundaries by contacting you in one way or another. They might hoover around trying to get back with you.
If they leave you and you decide to go no contact with them, then their probable reaction is to keep you in the toxic loop and keep you as their back supply option.
Being in a relationship with a narcissist might make you always worry at the back of your mind, as you have a hidden fear or such feelings that they may leave you anytime, as infidelity is a persistent trait of narcissistic conduct.
The narcissist might initially try to reappear in your life and would deny accepting your decision of not being in your life anymore. They may still hoover around to convince you to get back with them. They may call you text you or show up in person persistently. If nothing works, the narcissist might still not give up.
They may manipulate you, guilt-trip you, gaslight you, or blackmail you. They might not stop contacting you even if you decide to no longer be with them. They may do this out of fear of being abandoned and left out. They may be insecure and might even doubt their self-worth.
These are a few probable options and ways in which a narcissist might react and act when you decide to discard them. But a few more possible reactions can be expected from a narcissist which are presented here below,
What happens when you discard the Narcissist first?
Let us get to know10 things that might happen or can happen when you discard the narcissist first,
They will shift the blame on you
When you discard the narcissist first, they might pin the blame on you and condemn you for not being the absolute partner to be relied on. They may do this and act innocent despite being the person at fault.
They might accuse you of many things like being selfish, inconsiderate, uncaring, cold, and inadequate. They may also claim that they are the ones who are keeping the relationship going and working hard to maintain whereas it is the other way around.
They might create a fake narrative where they are the victim and you are leaving them on purpose. They may present themselves as this innocent, blameless, and perfect partner and it was you (their victim) who is at fault. Again it is the opposite. You may be the victim here but they may present you as the culprit of the abusive, manipulative, and cold behavior.
You may have to face their rage
When you have someone narcissistic in your life regardless of the relationship, the most annoying task is to bear with them and their anger issues.
Sometimes a narcissist just shuts down their emotional side and switches to an apathetic or emotionless individual who chooses violence, anger, and such negative emotions to let their internal conflict out. This internal conflict can happen when a narcissist is upset with something or hurt due to someone. Thus when a narcissist gets hurt they might either go violent or outrageously furious(which is termed as narcissistic rage)
Thus when a narcissist gets hurt they might either go violent or outrageously furious(which is termed as narcissistic rage).
A narcissist’s thought processes and reflexes are a little impossible to predict precisely. They act impulsively out of rage when they are discarded or left alone. They are passive-aggressive beings, who may react impulsively out of anger when you discard them or abandon them.
They might try to threaten you
Narcissists can go to any lengths to convince their partner to get back with them. These can include self-harming techniques like self-harm, suicide, or empty threats. This may take a toll on your mental health too as they may be constantly threatening you by sending fake threats like committing suicide or self-harm.
They do this to still hold power over you. But you need not worry as narcissists often are only words and no action. The only thing you need to remember here is that you are not responsible for anyone’s happiness, and survival and you must never compromise your well-being and life decisions just because of such fake threats.
They might devalue you
When you discard the narcissist first it may cause a Narcissistic injury. It means a narcissist’s self-worth or self-esteem is hurt. It is an emotional injury. Narcissistic Injury also known as “narcissistic wound” is an occurrence or an outcome when a narcissist faces loss, criticism, a feeling of abandonment, or loneliness.
So when a narcissist is hurt somehow they may seek retribution to your act by devaluing you. They may do so to reassure themselves, their self-importance, and superiority.
They may suddenly drop your worth from the most important person to a useless and hopeless person in their life. While devaluing you they may accuse you of being many things that you are not, but do not get disheartened here, as it is just one of their manipulative tactics to devalue you.
They will hoover around you
As much as we would like to believe that a relationship with a narcissist is over once we decide to leave, it is often not the case. Narcissists often engage in a tactic known as hoovering, where they attempt to suck their victims back into their lives, even after they have left.
Hoovering is a tactic that narcissists use to re-establish contact with their victims after they have left the relationship. The ultimate goal of hoovering is to lure the victim back into the relationship by manipulating them emotionally and making them feel guilty for leaving in the first place.
Narcissist Hoovering is usually deceptive as they lie smoothly and can do that without blinking. Their promises to change are mere words and hollow sentences. They do not change completely. They would still have those toxic traits and they would make shallow, fake, and convincing promises that you would uncover their truth.
So when you leave them first get ready to face narcissistic hoovering.
They might try to control your narrative
When you discard the narcissist by revealing their toxic selves and ripping off their mask of fakeness, then they might also not watch silently.
The first thing that they may try to do is change the narrative and reframe the statements, circumstances, and scenarios to make you the bad guy here.
What they might do here is make you the bad person, and convince others to believe so by providing half-truths or only their side of the story. They may blame you as the abusive and toxic partner and also pinpoint you as the reason for parting ways. They may also launch a smear campaign to soil your reputation.
The best way to combat your reputation is by ignoring them completely. They may try to provoke you in many ways but do not fall into their trap as it may be just a setup to spoil your reputation.
They will love bomb you
Love bombing is an act of over or exaggerated display of love which is usually considered toxic and unhealthy for a successful relationship.
In an unhealthy relationship love bombing technique is often taken into practice to cover up mistakes, to recover the lost relationships, or when anything goes wrong, or to manipulate the partner with the help of tender or cliched play of words, actions, along with pompous effective gestures.
Narcissists use this tactic effectively to brainwash their victims by flooding their victims with extreme love and affection and withholding the same just to manipulate them to establish power and control later. They may do so to convince you to alter your decision to leave them.
You as the victim may love the narcissist wholeheartedly but the same might never be reciprocated fully by them. This is all just a part of brainwashing through love bombing just to gain you back in their life.
They will try to gaslight you
Imagine situations where you might be doubting your perception of truth along with losing your sanity just because someone else can convince you so and forbidding your truths and perceptions.
This is what is called gaslighting, which is a systematic, cyclical, and psychological brainwashing phenomenon used to create an aversion to the truth and reality of the matter or situation.
How do you spot gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a completely cyclical incident. It does not just happen once, it is a repetitive abusive cycle of multiple events for which you are a victim. For instance, gaslighters use statements like,
- “What I am and what I did was not that bad, and you also know that.”
- “Whatever I have done, is unintended, it just happened to be so.”
- “You are not able to understand what I am trying to convey. It is you who is misunderstanding the situation.”
- “You may be the one overreacting in the relationship.”
They will refuse to take responsibility
Just as with blame-shifting, a narcissist may also never take responsibility for all that, that has gone wrong in the relationship. They may never accept any responsibility for anything that might have created issues in the relationship.
They may deny all your accusations, claims, and pinpoints. Whatever is the cause for the breakdown of the relationship (definitely THEM, and you also know that and so do they) they may never accept this fact and just go on for a blame session.
Their high sense of entitlement may never allow them to view themselves as the culprit in any situation leading to a blame game where the ultimate wrongdoer is you and they are the innocent ones in the relationship.
They will replace you
The toughest part after breaking up with a narcissist is just watching them quickly move on from you to their next victim and that too within no time. They can immediately turn a new leaf in life with their new partner/victim without being much affected, while you would still be figuring your life out and healing from the narcissistic abuse.
A narcissist can move on quickly from one relationship to another, just because of their insecurity and a fear of always fitting well in the outer world. They always do things that may appeal to the social world and also because of their insecurity of being left out.
Narcissists fear abandonment and hence they cannot imagine being alone. Also, they need their narcissistic supply, thus they prefer to always jump from one relationship after another when they are done with their partner or vice versa.
When you decide to discard the narcissist, it is important to acknowledge the fact that they may not let you go easily, they may hoover around you, or may also seek revenge. It is going to be a long tiring process with emotional commotion and chaos.
A breakup with a narcissist can be difficult, heartbreaking, and traumatic as it may lead to other issues like detachment issues, confusion, lingering feelings, or even some true feelings like attachment, love, or infatuation.
The thing that may keep you going is a strong determination, a will to have that freedom, a desire to heal yourself from the trauma and abuse, and; lastly, a headstrong decision to not get back with them despite the persuasion.