How To Deal With A Narcissistic Husband?
How To Deal With A Narcissistic Husband? Dealing with a narcissist is as difficult as holding your breath underwater. You cannot tolerate it longer, but you might have to deal with it anyway.
Narcissists are someone who is often characterized and peculiar regarding their trait of being self-absorbed. They hardly think about others. They always prioritize their self and their needs above others. They have a high sense of self-importance, so much so that they might even ignore their, partner, children, or even parents. Thus it can be concluded, that narcissists only care for themselves, their needs and desires, and their wishes.
They only form relationships when there is some benefit. They may have transactional relations where they seek narcissistic supply in the form of attention, admiration, and validation. Having any kind of relationship is always a one-sided effort as narcissists only know to receive and never give anything.
If you are married to a narcissist, you might have a guile relationship with them. Hopefully, this article can help you find ways to deal with your narcissistic husband and cope with them once and for all.
How to Deal with a Narcissistic Husband?
To deal with a narcissistic husband, the first step is to know and acknowledge the fact that you have a narcissistic husband. How to know that? Here are a few tips to know and determine the narcissistic traits of your husband,
How to identify your Narcissistic Husband?
A few traits of a narcissist are mentioned below, through which you can identify them,
He prefers to be with flattering people
A narcissistic husband might prefer the company of someone who is flattering and appreciates them no matter what. They would prefer who would side with them even if they are wrong. He would prefer to keep the company of other people over you(their partner) because they love attention and like to be the center of attraction.
He makes up lies
Narcissists have a huge ego to satisfy, so they always want to prove a point by lying. They just consider themselves smarter than others. The egoistic narcissist often tends to lie due to their deceiving characteristics and traits. They believe that truth makes them feel inferior to others, especially their partners. A narcissistic husband lies unnecessarily because they wish to conceal their wrongdoings and not admit their fault. They always make plausible excuses.
He tries to take over the conversation
Narcissists have a knack to show off and prove how great they are. Thus they take over conversations to show off their skills. They always have some expert tip or opinion regardless of the topic. If you stop or run out of things to say, they might immediately draw back the conversation to them.
He puts people down
Narcissists have a tendency to always look at the negative side of people, and thus they would talk them down, talk bad and destructive things about them, and talk behind their backs. Nothing is ever appreciating, encouraging, and good enough for them. They always bad mouth and end up gossiping about people.
He behaves negatively
Whatever you do is never really enough for your husband and they would always make you feel inferior and less intelligent. They would never appreciate when you share your thoughts with them. You may never fit into their idea of perfection and thus they would make you feel guilty.
He tries to control you
He would always make unnecessary demands that include the clothes you wear, the places you visit, or the way you behave. He tries to control your behavior and would often isolate you from your loved ones.
He would play Blame-Games
The narcissist’s blame game is strong. They may manipulate, abuse, and deflect from taking any blame. They would just vanish while taking responsibility and would always blame you for their failures.
He may also resort to Violence
Narcissists may also be violent in some cases. They may be a stalker, a murderer, a serial killer, a husband who beat their wife or also be a traitor. They are full of rage and may lash out at people now and then. They may use you(their partner) as scapegoats or punching bags. They have bad impulse control. They often seek revenge and also be physically violent if needed.
What would living with a Narcissistic husband feel like?
- He is sensitive to criticism.
- He always wishes to win every argument and would do anything in their power to gain the upper hand in the situation.
- He would present you like a trophy wife during social gatherings.
- He would exhibit excessive rage and anger issues.
- He would never help you out to manage the household or even would deny taking care of your children.
- He would Neglect your sexual needs but you always have to fulfill theirs.
- He would often go out without informing or providing any information and when you question them they would get angry.
- All conversations that you have always circle back to them.
These are a few signs that may help you identify a narcissistic husband.
Dealing with your Narcissistic Husband
Dealing with a narcissistic husband may not be an easy task, but by using these techniques you may be able to deal with them to some extent,
Using the term “We” instead of “You”
When you wish to point out the wrongdoings or some negative traits of your narcissistic husband, you may use the term us and not we. This way you may create an illusion of taking shared responsibility instead of making it seem like you are blaming them directly.
You may seek help from a marriage counselor
Some Narcissists may willingly opt for receiving therapy, while some narcissists would not opt for receiving therapy even though they are assigned. Those narcissists who have a high tolerance may be able to receive therapy more effectively and thus it affects the success rate of the therapy too. Those narcissists who have high egos at stake would adjust to ignore the prospect of receiving therapy.
If you wish you and your narcissistic partner should consider taking marriage counseling due to your problematic marriage, you may present it as a shared issue. You may also take responsibility for your actions and also mention theirs to them.
Consulting a family member or a friend
It is emotionally and mentally draining when you have a narcissist in your life. You need to vent out and discuss the pent-up emotions, hurt, and all your suffering with someone. That way you can seek help from people who care about you and also find ways to cope with the narcissist by getting some professional help.
Discussing your problems with someone trustworthy may help you seek ways to deal with your narcissistic husband and also make you feel emotionally lighter as you may be able to share your problems and vent out your issues. Consulting someone mutual may help you to go to the core of the issue and also tell you how long your husband has been like this since childhood or due to some traumatic event.
Find out if your husband is willing to change
Narcissists would do anything to achieve what they plan and what they want and such people would hardly be interested in changing their ways, behaviors, perspectives, and conduct for others or society. Thus Narcissism and the word “Change” seem a little unfitting together.
If a narcissist finds you truly an inseparable part of their lives, they might try to make attempts to change just to make you stay in their life. The success rate of these changes may vary based on different aspects, but a narcissist would try to change for the loved ones if they matter to them.
Thus if they are willing to change their ways for you you may find ways to work the relationship despite the issues.
If you wish to see some consistent changes in your narcissistic husband, then you need to be patient with them. Try being as gentle, understanding, loving, and compassionate with them. Do not be sarcastic and provide genuine comments. Be as transparent, direct, and honest with them as possible.
Give him Rewards
Trying to get things done with the narcissist requires baiting. Narcissists like surprises and thus little rewards may work just fine. This will raise their expectations of you and also get your work done. This is a fair game for both as they may get what they desire and you may also get him to do what you want him to do without arguments and compromise.
Give him Attention
According to a study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, they found that narcissists love the limelight and get comfortable while seeking attention from others. Their behavior is often attention-seeking and to gain eyes wherever they go.
Narcissists are often driven by admiration, adoration, and validation that they gain from others. They thrive while being the center of attraction by attracting attention due to their grandiose and attention-seeking behavior.
Thus giving him your undivided attention may please them. After all, he is your husband, so you should consider activities that may make your bond stronger, spend time with them, and love them. Try to be there for them and spend quality time together to deal with your issues efficiently.
Make it seem like it is about him
Narcissists are selfish and do not care about others. They only care for themselves. So if you wish to get things done, make it seem like it is mainly about him.
Taking care of yourself in the marriage
To gain equal importance in the marriage you may,
- Establish a strong presence in the marriage.
- Do not devalue yourself and remember you are equally worthy. Treat yourself with equal worthiness as you treat him.
- Gain your self-confidence back.
- Create a support system that may include friends, family, and other loved ones who would support you if anything goes wrong.
- Learn to walk away from toxic situations, conversations, and incidents.
- Lastly, if the narcissistic abuse is too much for you, you may also consider leaving the marriage.
In a relationship with a narcissistic partner, you constantly feel that they overpower or sabotage the relationship.
When you are so done with the narcissist constantly manipulating you, taking advantage of you, and bringing toxicity into your life, then applying these tactics would be beneficial to you. You can beat the narcissist by giving them a taste of their medicine.
Take your power back. Remember your main motive is to gain your power back and not devalue them or try to seek revenge. This way you can have a balanced relationship in any form it may be, and you might not worry about all the toxicity seeping into your life through the narcissist anymore.
Always remember, that you are not alone in this toxic relationship and thus you may reach out for help to others like therapists, family, friends, or anyone trustworthy and helpful. Disclose what you are facing with an open mind and surely you will get many solutions for your problem.