10 Grievances Of Gift-Giving With A Narcissist

Gift-giving becomes a task especially when the receiver is a narcissist who is never satisfied with whatever you gift them due to their skyrocketing expectations. Thus this article discusses the 10 Grievances of Gift-Giving with a Narcissist.

Gift-giving or exchanging gifts with a narcissist can create a potential issue as you may encounter various expectations, expressions, and indirect criticism while doing so.

Why is gift-giving challenging with a narcissist?

Gift-giving is considered a joyous moment for everyone, as gifts can please just anyone from kids to oldies. Who does not like their gifts? Some people may dislike the heartfelt gifts that people give out love, and those people may include sadists, narcissists, or anyone who simply dislikes the idea of gifting.

Now not all people are narcissistic and may dislike gifts, but narcissists in general may never be satisfied with your gifts. If it is suggested by them in advance and you gift what they like then they may like your gift, otherwise, there are likely low chances that a narcissist may like your gift.

Also if the gift uplifts their status in society, or suits their personality, or is premium or highly rare, expensive, one of its kind, or something that may draw attention in public in a good way, then and then only the narcissist might appreciate your gift. Otherwise, there are chances of dismay.

Gift-giving can be challenging with a narcissist due to,

Grandiose expectations

Narcissists have these dreamy expectations and unreal fantasies when it comes to gifting. No one can be right when it comes to gifting a narcissist unless it is the narcissists themselves. They have unrealistic expectations for the gifts they receive as they always want something more lavish. Thus gift-giving can be challenging when you have a narcissist as the receiver.

Attention seeking behavior

Narcissists like to draw attention in every possible moment of their life and thus gift-giving is also not exempted from it. Narcissists would expect a gift that draws attention and also boosts their grandiose image. Thus they may not be satisfied with your gift unless it is something extravagant and draws attention from people.

Lack of Appreciation

Narcissists lack gratitude, and they may not appreciate the efforts you put in to get them a gift. They have a sense of entitlement and lack appreciation. You may have made your best efforts but instead of acknowledging those efforts they may simply display their dismay with the gift you get them.

You may be able to witness their dissatisfaction just by noticing their expressions or their body language while receiving the gift. Thus just by noticing them, you can know how they liked the gift. Also, you may note that these difficulties may vary depending on the individual you may be gifting or there may not be any challenges as some narcissists appreciate the idea and gesture of gift giving rather than the actual gift.

Can you ever give a Narcissist the Perfect Gift?

The most expected answer to this question is a “No”, as they are never satisfied with whatever you gift them. Nothing is ever going to be enough for them. Despite putting in effort and choosing the desired gift for the narcissist would never be right for them. Even if it is what they wanted, your gift can never provide the right amount of contentment.

So when you ask them what they desire with the correct intentions to provide them with the best possible outcome in the form of a gift, you would be facing their wrath in the form of narcissistic rage. They would lash out at you by saying,

  • Don’t you know me?
  • “Don’t you know my tastes and interests?”
  • “Why can’t you figure out such a simple thing of choosing the gift for me?”
  • “Can’t you figure out what I like or what I would want?”
  • “Don’t you pay attention when we talk?”
  • “Have you already forgotten what I like or desire?”

But from a generic viewpoint and observations, gift-giving has always been a hassle when the receiver is a narcissist. So let us know the 10 Grievances of Gift-Giving with a Narcissist,

10 Grievances Of Gift-Giving With A Narcissist

Here are 10 pitfalls of gift-giving with a narcissist,

You may never be able to give the right gift to the narcissist

Now considering the relationship between you and the narcissist, there may be different rules. So if you have a narcissistic partner, the gift-giving rules may be different than their family members friends, or acquaintances. Thus gift-giving rules are different for all.

So if you have a narcissistic partner the rules may vary for you. One set of rules is for them and one is for you. For the narcissist they can get you anything that they want and like and you may have to accept it with contentment on your face, but the rules suddenly shift when you get them a gift.

They may not like the gift in the first place and also they will continuously mention the hassle, issues, and imperfections of the gift. They may have statements like, “I guess you gave me the wrong gift” or “I had to return the gift as it did not match my taste”.

Thus always remember that your gift might be considered as an inappropriate gift by the narcissist unless it matches their social status or draws attention. Otherwise, it may always be the gift they had asked for and you got something different.

If you take the narcissist with you to choose their gift you are uncaring

So you realize the fact that the narcissist is never pleased with whatever you get them, and thus you ask them to tag along so that you can give them what they desire. But suddenly you become the bad person here as you hardly care and know the narcissist.

They may state, “If you would have known me better you may have something in mind to gift me.” They may call you emotionless heartless and uncaring.

You may have run this plan in your mind perfectly with the thoughts that this plan may impress the narcissist only to turn out to be a failure as narcissists may view this as an insult as they might feel you do not know them well. You may have expected this plan to turn out great and fun-filled but it may turn out to be a criticism for you.

They may try to suggest your worth with gifts

Narcissists consider themselves of the greatest value when it comes to spending money. For instance, on your trip, they may buy an inexpensive gift like a couple photo at a famous location or something that may have a smaller monetary value and they may ask you to cherish it.

But during the same trip, they may buy something lavish and expensive for themselves by stating that they deserve it. The hidden message here is they consider themselves worthier than you to spend money and thus degrade your worth. The message suggests that you do not have the same worth as them and thus you get what you deserve.

You may be gaslighted by the twisted words

You feel you got the perfect gift for the narcissist, and you may finally be able to please them with what you got only to be disappointed in the end. You may have this feeling that the narcissist is getting what they wanted as they might have been talking continuously about that or hinting at you regarding the same.

But when they receive a slightly different or a different color or slightly different gift than they might have expected get ready to be gaslighted with statements like, “This is not the actual gift right?” or “I do not remember stating this color of this type.” Thus the gift will be wrong and they may behave as if they never asked for it.

This is what gaslighting looks like in the area of gift-giving with a narcissist in the picture.

Their efforts in gift giving may gear down with time

You may be in a relationship with a narcissist only for a while now and the relationship may be in the lovebombing phase. You may receive nicely wrapped and properly presented gifts on many occasions as the narcissist wishes to keep you pleased. Those gifts might still contain the mystery and excitement.

But with time, they may stop putting in effort. They may give no gift or poorly packed gifts just for the sake of gifting. Their efforts may be displaying their interest as they might have not put enough thought into gifting you. They may have simply gifted you something that may be trendy; ignoring the need for that gift in your life.

Accept the fact that it is impossible to please the narcissist

For instance, if you might have gifted them a holiday, they may ruin it if they are not pleased with the destinations. They may ruin it with drama, stonewalling, and bickering. They may ruin your pleasant moments just because you were not able to please them with your gift. You may always be stonewalled or insulted for your gifts on special occasions because the narcissist is never satisfied.

You never get what you tell them you liked

The narcissist may ask you what gift you wanted just for the sake of asking and would never get anything that you want. They may always get what fits their budget or whatever they like and can share with you. So if they ask you what gift you want for the holidays, you are most likely not going to receive it.

You may receive a request from them for a gift that is out of your price range

Narcissists consider themselves to be entitled and thus they feel that they deserve this extra vagant gift which is pricey. So when this happens you must tell that narcissist that it is way out of your budget and you may not be able to afford it. Talk this out very loud and clear.

When this happens that narcissist may think you do not love them enough to even buy a present, and may also gaslight you by guilt-tripping and shaming you into gifting them this way out of your budget gift for them. But this is a trap do not fall into it.

But one thing is for sure here, they might bring up this topic whenever there is a gift-giving festivity or around family members just to make you feel guilty and embarrass you to show you your place.

Expect a price tag when they get you something expensive

Especially when they demand something pricey from you but you refuse or just push it to next time, this is the time the narcissist will get you something they consider pricey and extravagant just to show they are more loving and establish their control.

When this happens they might leave the price tag on purposefully just to make you feel guilty and reduce your gift’s worth. They might be indirectly telling you, “Look at the amount I spent on you, you should be grateful to me.” The you owe me look is silent and indirect.

If you express your dislike towards their gift be ready for some unlikable consequences

Narcissists may also try to teach you a lesson through this if they feel you have not given them the perfect gift. however, if by chance you make a mistake of expressing the dislike or slightest expression change may hint to them that you are upset about the gift the narcissist gave you, be ready to suffer.

They may stop giving gits altogether or stonewall for nobody knows how long. They would punish you and cut you off from the list of gift-giving may be one of them. Thus you should always like what they gift you, that is how it works with a narcissist and gift-giving.

Final Thoughts

So what can you do when you have to fulfill the gift-giving ritual with a narcissist? – Accept the fact that they may never really be able to change and they may always feel and think that everyone has a problem but them.

When you have a narcissist start considering your options. Is it worth taking the trouble for them? Is it harming your physical, emotional, and mental health? How long do you wish to be exposed to such toxic behavior?

Consider your options, try out therapies with them, or simply part ways with them. You may consider your options and start taking control of your health by your your hands.

Ella Carrillo

Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field. From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

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