Why Do Narcissists Get Into A Second Marriage?
Why do Narcissists get into a second marriage? You may have just divorced your narcissistic partner, only to find out that they are already remarried! This may come as a surprise and a shock to you as you might still be struggling with healing from all the abuse while the narcissist is as quick as they can be in remarrying.
A marriage is considered a pious bond between two souls that ties two partners who love each other and are ready to commit to each other. But is it the same for narcissists? Narcissism and infidelity are often considered to be parallel to each other as narcissists have low self-control and they may get involved with multiple people to seek what they desire.
Divorce and remarrying are not more than a means to seek what they truly wish for the narcissists. They may hardly care about the emotional bond and attachment between two people and thus a marriage can be nothing more than a means to fulfill their desires.
Narcissists repel commitments as they feel being committed to one partner is a limitation and they wish to keep their options open to gain their narcissistic supply. They only think about themselves and thus they may not even flinch before hoping for their next target to marry once again.
So why would a narcissist get into remarrying when they can hardly commit and care for others?
Usually, a narcissist would get remarried to improve their image and recuperate the losses from their previous marriage. Remarrying boosts their self-worth and also provides them a chance to retrieve their grandiose image in society.
But nothing can ever change the narcissist. Their behavior would nonetheless some with any partner and thus you might consider lowering your expectations from them if you are remarrying a narcissist.
A narcissist would not change even if they are remarrying. So if any of the readers suspect their partners to be toxic or narcissistic, they might consider their decision to marry, especially if they are unprepared for the abuse and unexpected behavior.
Now, you must know a few things if you are marrying a narcissist who is divorced,
Why do Narcissists get into a second marriage?
In general, marriage is about having companionship, having an emotional connection, growing to be a better person, committing to a person, and moving towards a better life.
But do narcissists perceive marriage in similar terms? Narcissists use relationships and marriages to escape their insecurities, gain status in society, obtain prestige in the community, and feel good. They may also treat their partners as trophy wives or trophy husbands, as they may just show off what a catch they have got.
They may boast about how great they are to marry someone so beautiful or smart or high profile. They just wish to secure their social image by marrying someone who brings something more to the table than their previous partners, and thus remarrying is a good way for them to achieve all this.
Narcissists have the worst self-control and they can get swayed when they find someone even better than their current partner. For them, commitment is like a combination of words woven together. The wedding vows, commitments, and even feelings do not matter when it comes to uplifting social image and the urge to be with someone who they may perceive as better than their current partner.
Thus narcsists can stoop to this level of selfishness when it comes to marriages. If it serves them right, they can remarry as much as they wish.
Reasons Why Narcissists Might Remarry
Remember that there is always something in it when narcissists make such decisions of being committed to someone. Thus here are a few defined reasons for narcissists to remarry are defined below,
To make their previous partner look bad and make them feel guilty
Narcissists would try everything to save their image and present themselves as faultless and innocent. They would try blame-shifting onto their spouses and thus in their desperate efforts to prove themselves above suspicion they might remarry quickly. This way nobody would be able to point fingers at them for the failure of their relationship’s failure.
To obtain a “Narcissistic Supply”
Narcissistic supply is one of the prime reasons for them to commit to a relationship. They do not have love as their priority, their priority is obtaining their supply, once they drain their partners completely out of supply they would leave them or remarry to someone better. Supply is everything that makes them important like control, praise, worth, ego boost, and everything that makes them feel superior.
The need to establish control and power
Narcissists have an unappeasible urge to gain power and control. This urge may motivate them to go for a second marriage. Narcissists enjoy the idea when someone is dependent on them and use this chance to establish dominance over their partners.
To be a bigger person and show that they have moved on from their past
Narcissists often wish to be viewed as the high-status partner or the bigger person in the relationship. Remarrying can save them from being the faulty partner. They try to prove that they are faultless as they can survive any relationship, it is their previous spouse that was the problematic one.
Fear of Being Alone
Narcissists do not like being alone. They are people who manage their lives based on external validation, attention, and admiration. So when they divorce their partner, they might rush into getting married once more, even if that means being with someone who is not their ideal type in the form of a life partner.
Why would Narcissists choose to remarry and commit rather than a live-in relationship?
Narcissists fear commitment as it requires putting in effort and working on maintaining a relationship to make it work; it requires emotional bonding and attachments, executing emotions and feelings, and developing a connection. Narcissists hate getting attached to relationships.
So why would they remarry?
Narcissists have low self-esteem, fragile egos, and a shaky sense of self-worth. Their insecurities can overpower their grandiose image and sense of self and thus negatively impact their mind. Thus to overcome all this negativity of their lives, they manipulate others to avoid their feelings to maintain their false facade.
Remarrying can provide them narcissistic supply and also it opens many options to be intimate with their partners. A marriage is a much better option for the narcissist as in a live-in relationship they cannot claim or demand anything from their partners, whereas marriages are easy to access whatever they desire for the narcissists.
In a marriage, the narcissist can demand being loved, admired, and validated. They can also gaslight, guilt-trip, slut shame their partners when they disobey or oppose them. Being a husband or a wife gives the narcissist more power, control, and an escape from their abusive and toxic behavior.
They feel that being married or remarrying would give them approval from society as a perfect partner, and praise for settling in, and thus feel naturally satisfied by marrying and using their partners to obtain whatever they desire.
Narcissists are some of the most challenging partners to cohabit with or get into a committed relationship with. The narcissists are also aware of this fact and thus by tying the knot, they confine their partners to bear their toxicity. Narcissists believe that it would make it harder for their partners to leave them if they were married.
Do Narcissists change after Marriage?
If you are in some divine hope that the narcissists might change specifically for you, then dear readers, you may want to save your energy as your narcissistic partners would be shattering all your hopes.
Narcissists are not going to be any better than they are in their marriage currently. Narcissism is a complicated and serious mental health disorder that makes it difficult for them to be empathetic, and develop an emotional bond with their partners.
Narcissism is also the reason for their extremely boosted egos and thus they fail to acknowledge the root causes of why their relationship is failing at so many levels. Changes are difficult, and they may come with their own set of difficulties. When changes are associated with narcissism, they may become even more difficult.
It may be difficult for a narcissist to recognize the need for change due to their qualities and tendencies which may prevent them from viewing themselves as imperfect or finding faults.
With consistent efforts and a therapist, there are a few chances that the narcissist can change, but there is always a big “BUT”; if they do not realize the need to change, nobody can force changes. They may promise many things to keep you in the relationship, but they may not change in reality.
Some narcissists can get worse after remarrying as they may double up the usage of manipulative tactics to refrain their partners from leaving. Those tactics include,
- Creating false stories to support their fake promises
- Love Bombing
- Boosting their self-worth by talking themselves up
- Making you feel like a trophy husband or a trophy wife and showing you off to others as their mere achievement
- Triangulating situations to gain more support for themselves
- Make you feel extremely cherished and loved just to guilt trip you later
Narcissists may efficiently play with your emotions once they get married, to make you completely dependent on them. They like it when their partners are not equals but codependents.
But remember that this is the initial stage of their abuse. Once they have you under their control, they may change drastically. The later stages of abuse may look like,
- Ignoring you and your needs
- Swinging between their hot and cold personalities
- Projecting their fault on you
- Cheating on you
- Blame shifting on you
- Gaslighting you
- Reverse the roles and claim you for abusing them
- Spreading rumors
- Hurting you on purpose to teach you a lesson
While it is important to note that not all narcissists may use these tactics, as suggested by mental health experts, most narcissists and thus their behavior may worsen with time.
Do Narcissists Remarry Quickly?
Narcissists consider themselves remarkable. They feel that they are above average than most of the people as others are commonly compared to them. They think that they are special, entitled, and great, and thus they need someone to understand their worth in their life.
Narcissist relations are transactional and mostly a way to show off their grandiosity. They like to associate with people who can address and fulfill their utility of being high-status and worthy. They would always choose who would influence their high-end image, and add to their grandeur.
Narcissists evaluate people according to their personal needs, urges, and utilities. They choose their relationships, friendships, or any relationship they get into on how well these relationships might fulfill their goals and how well the other person can provide them narcissistic supply.
Narcissists choose to develop relationships with people who are superior, unique, attractive, great, and worthy. This way they ensure that by being with such extraordinary people may attract a great amount of attention in the form of a narcissistic supply.
Can narcissists have a happy marriage?
The answer to the question, “Can a narcissist have a happy marriage or is it just a parade of fake pictures on social media?” is a hard “No” or a “Maybe”. This is because a narcissist can just pretend many times that they have a happy married life, and the thought of a narcissist committing to marriage and working hard to maintain a successful and happy marriage also seems a bit stretched. Narcissists can love, but they are not very fond of committing.
Despite all the problems in a relationship, a narcissist certainly knows how to win hearts. They talk smoothly like butter and manipulate even harder. So when they feel their nasty behavior has created problems in the relationship they would talk gently like nothing has ever gone wrong and try to hide the matter, convincing you to let go and try to win your heart either by displaying intimacy or some convincing fake truth that may lead to the closure of the matter.
They might provide emotional arguments regarding the dependency of both partners, the family requirements, the financial matters, and how you have meant so much to them since day one of the relationship. Narcissists would manipulate emotionally and create a false scene where you are unable to process or think straight and you get easily manipulated by their sweet but fake truths which are usually sugar-coated to stop you from seeing the problem and continuing the relationship.
Though there is no such thing as a perfect relationship or a perfect marriage, cohabiting with a narcissist may put you through daily struggles and take a toll on your mental health too.
Now will you be able to adjust to all these difficulties? Your happiness is in your hands.
Should you divorce a Narcissist?
There is not an easy answer to this question. Should you stay or leave the narcissist? Loving someone is not under your control and loving someone should never come with consequences.
Also loving someone should not be a series of abusive incidents for you. Narcisists are manipulative, controlling, and abusive and the relationship with them can be damaging.
But you may also not ignore the fact that they are damaged beings, who have become abusive due to some childhood trauma or a drastically emotionally damaging incident like losing someone.
So what should you do then?
Everyone should set a limit to be tolerant. Nobody can bear abuse beyond a certain limit and thus when something or someone becomes unbearable for you you may take your time apart or leave the relationship entirely.
Nobody can decide this for you but you. So take time to figure out what is going on, and check if it matches your limits, morals, ethics, and self-respect. Is it worth to bear? Is your wellness more important than being with that person?
So evaluate situations for yourself and free yourself from trauma, stress, and lifelong episodes of damaging incidents.
Narcissists rush into remarrying and also speed up the process to gain benefits for their self. They are not interested in building healthy relationships with their partner. They are simply interested in gaining benefits in the form of a narcissistic supply from their partners.
All a narcissist wants or expects from all relationships, is a way to deal with their own complex emotions without being responsible for them. They project their insecurities, complexities, and toxicity on you which does not leave any option for the victim but to phase or bear such manipulations because, in a victim’s eyes, the narcissist’s behavior is completely irrational and without any context of why they are doing so!
The only thing keeping you happy in a toxic relationship would be the fear of abandonment, lack of love, the response from the narcissistic partner, and the habit or the used to or the familiarity of the feeling of normalizing the normal without even realizing it to be toxic.
Evaluate situations for yourself and free yourself from trauma, stress, and lifelong episodes of damaging incidents. You also deserve happiness. So decide for yourself whether to be in a toxic marriage or be selfish and think for yourself and your well-being.