7 Reasons Why A Narcissist Will Come Back To You After Discarding You

If after parting ways with a narcissist you still find them hoovering and lingering around you, then here are reasons why a Narcissist will come back to you after discarding you.

You may be taking a breath of relief, thinking you have the narcissist off your back after breaking up! But this happiness or this content feeling might not last longer as narcissists don’t just leave the rexes that easily. They may not leave you alone even if you are broken up.

Narcissists are like pests, they may keep reappearing after you remove them, and after some time even pesticides in the form of no-contact, blocking, setting boundaries, and much more, do not affect or stop them from reconnecting with their exes.

Narcissists love to play games, especially when they know you might be vulnerable. If you do not give them a tough fight they will keep coming back to you without any effort.

The prime reason why narcissists jump from relationship to relationship is their urge to obtain the maximum amount of narcissistic supply. They usually trap their victims into their manipulative games by using techniques such as narcissistic projection, love bombing, and showing a fake desirable future to retain their new relationship to obtain the maximum narcissistic supply.

Narcissistic relationships change with the weather you can say. But not in all cases. Though some narcissists choose to stick with someone they like, not most narcissists do so. They may also keep coming back to their old relationships after discarding their exes as they seek familiarity and comfort.

They might have discarded their ex at a point when they found someone better or when they might have drained their ex completely out of narcissistic supply and left them abruptly out of the blue. But after switching relationships, they might have had the realization that dealing with an ex-partner would be more convenient to obtain a narcissistic supply rather than putting efforts into finding someone new who may or may not stick with them.

Breaking up with a narcissist is different than you might have imagined. Narcissists hoover around their exes for quite a long time, even after parting ways.

They may constantly try to contact their exes, signaling that they need. They might not directly portray it, but drop hints and signs for their exes to notice.

It is also important to note that not all narcissists are the same and it would not be fair to generalize them and their behavior. Thus all relationships with a narcissist may be different and one should be cautious of being with a narcissist while in a relationship and even after that.

Thus they might try to reconnect with their exes, so if you have a narcissistic partner and have just parted ways with them then preparing yourself beforehand for the upcoming trouble can be helpful. Here are a few reasons why a narcissist will come back to you.

Reasons Why A Narcissist Will Come Back To You After Discarding You

Narcissists have many methods when it comes to getting back with their exes for their own benefit. They may cry, beg, apologize, make promises, or resort to extreme measures like self-harm when they need you in their lives after parting ways. Here below are some reasons why the narcissist wants you back in their lives once again after discarding you,

They don’t want you to move on

Narcissists have an inflated sense of self and live with grandiosity which leads them to feel empowered and entitled. Due to this heightened sense of self-importance, narcissists believe that their exes may never be able to find someone better than them. This delusion would allow them to make unrealistic expectations like having their partners or even exes available around them whenever they need them.

So if the narcissist finds you moving on in life happily, the chaotic thoughts would cross their mind, encouraging them to reappear in your life and gain control once more.

For instance, you recently left a job due to your narcissistic boss and started looking for job opportunities. For that, you might need recommendations and references, which unfortunately you might have to seek from your previous boss.

The narcissistic boss would never leave a chance to run their mouth and speak ill of you to prevent you from getting employed once again and move on. They may wish that if you left their firm you should not be able to settle into a new job immediately. They would expect you to beg for your old job.

Thus narcissists do not wish to see you move on easily and keep reappearing in your life.

They have a fear of Abandonment

Narcissists fear abandonment as they struggle to fit in the world that does not run according to them and their ideologies. Narcissists may even be aware of their toxicity in some cases but would brush aside those thoughts.

Thus they may be well aware of how difficult it is to be with them, and thus they would try to reconnect with their older relationships as they still have hope, and their old partners or old relationships might already be aware of their toxic reality.

Narcissists have insecurities due to their abusive style of attachment. A style of attachment is the way a person connects with other people and forms intimate relationships. This is influenced by trust and self-worth.

For instance, your ex-narcissistic partner discarded you years ago and remarried only to get divorced once again. This might have happened as their new partner might have realized their reality of being narcissistic. Thus they would try to reconnect with you their previous partner in hopes of getting back as they might lack narcissistic supply and would be lonely in life.

They are Possessive and Jelaous

Narcissists demand undivided attention, love, attention, and care. If you have a narcissist in your life, then your life would be majorly controlled by them. Narcissists do not view people as humans but as mere means to fulfill their needs and view them as property.

Narcissists believe that they are entitled to use people around them as they please as they are special. They treat people as a source to obtain a narcissistic supply to feel emotionally stable.

Narcissists feel entitled to use people as they please, to seek narcissistic supply and to gain emotional stability. This belief can cause the narcissist to keep coming back to your life even after being discarded or discarding you. If you have moved on and they see you are happy with someone else, their jealousy kicks in, soon to interrupt your life. Narcissists might get jealous because of a few traits,

  • Low self-esteem
  • Insecurities
  • Fera of Abandonment
  • Co-dependency their partners in relationships
  • Toxic attachment styles
  • Feelings of possessiveness, inadequacy, and insecurity

Coping with a jealous and possessive narcissist may be difficult due to their constant hoovering.

They need more Narcissistic Supply

Narcissistic supply can be referred to as a psychological concept, that is related to Narcissistic Personality Disorder and people suffering through it. Narcissistic supply is a need or an indirect demand from narcissists to acquire attention, validation, and admiration from others.

A narcissistic supply is everything that helps a narcissist to make their life fulfilled. It is that one thing that a narcissist always craves even if it is in its negative forms. It is a term that is often referred to in a negative format or sense, as it may be referred to as a pathological problem that may persuade people suffering from it to demand attention for their reassurance and existence.

One can even say that a narcissist is only able to fulfill their life purposes based on supply itself. They feel handicapped without their sources of admiration, attention, validation, importance, and everything that makes them feel special. Narcissists seek supply more than anything, and they can do everything to obtain their dose of supply.

They obtain their narcissistic supply from people around them which may include family members, partners, children, colleagues, friends, or anyone associated closely with them who may serve some sort of purpose for them in the given circumstance of their life.

Narcissists are supply junkies. They are so dependent on the source of supply for validation that they are ready to compromise their self-opinionated self.

Supply is everything that makes them important like control, praise, worth, ego boost, and everything that makes them feel superior.

Narcissistic supply is one of the prime reasons for them to commit to a relationship. They do not have love as the priority, their priority is obtaining their supply, once they drain their partners completely out of supply they would leave them or might still have them as their backup source of supply. Narcissists also have backup sources of supply in the form of ex-partners, long-distance friends, or anyone from their past.

Narcissists linger around their exes to check up on them even after breaking up. They never completely cut ties with their exes until they have completely benefitted from them. They do not feel guilty or repent after breaking up but fear abandonment and a lack of supply. They tend to stay in touch with their exes or even try to get back together, to satisfy their ego.

They want to keep tabs on you

Narcissists feel entitled to maintain their control and power over others, especially their victims for as long as they wish. Due to this feeling, they keep returning to their exes after they discard them to keep tabs on them.

Keeping tabs means carefully observing someone or something to learn what they are up to and plan their next step. Watching over their exes becomes a hoovering tactic that they use to use as a wild card to enter their exes’ lives. They often keep tabs on the people including family members, long-lost friends, exes, or even someone they might have victimized or discarded.

For instance, the narcissist might have discarded you months ago, and they come to know you have planned to have a fresh start in life through their flying monkeys. They would start reappearing in your life once again as they do not wish you to move on as they still feel entitled to power and control over you.

Thus they would reach you out through hoovering tactics. The hoovering may also work on you as you may still be figuring out and trying to process narcissistic abuse and manipulation. Your vulnerability may allow you to believe them once again, just to find later that you are once again trapped in their toxic world.

The most important aspect of breaking up with a narcissist is to keep yourself protected from narcissistic abuse and start your healing journey as soon as possible.

They want to control how others perceive you

Pretending to be nice is the art that narcissists have mastered. They can fake anything and can lure you just with their charm. Fakeness is the root characteristic of narcissism. Narcissists can fake their goodness, empathy, and sympathy, and maintain their image of being caring and understanding just by using fake emotions. They can manipulate you and control you.

Narcissists thrive upon the attention, adoration, and validation that they receive from others, and what makes them distinguished from others is the way they think and the way they behave, which is selfish and mean.

When narcissists pretend to be nice, they often have an ulterior motive behind it. They may be trying to get something from you, trying to lure you into something, or simply wish to make you indebted to them. As soon as their purpose with you is complete, they might show their truly abusive and manipulative side that may start with small debates, then bigger arguments that may end up in insults and devaluation. Ultimately this may also lead to them discarding you.

Narcissists are delusional and they are experts at deceiving others with their charming, charismatic convincing personalities. Narcissists are often characterized by their boosted sense of self-importance, self-pride, and self-needs. With a narcissist, everything is just about them.

The consequences of a narcissist pretending to be good can affect their partners who are entangled with them in a toxic relationship. The victims may find themselves in such a relationship where they are exploited, manipulated, and abused without their awareness.

A narcissist’s facade is a mask of perfection that they put on to avoid rejection, being hurt, and mainly criticism. But nobody can fake it entirely as eventually cracks would develop in their fake facade.

So to protect their public persona, a narcissist might control how others perceive and see you, especially after they discard you. The very thought behind the fake personality is the fear of getting exposed publically. Narcissists fear that their toxic, abusive, and manipulative side might be seen by the public bringing in hatred, opposition, and detest.

Thus their fear of getting exposed may encourage them to decide how others might see you.

Narcissists are bored and lonely

Narcissists even get easily bored and dissatisfied with their partner, once they feel their source of supply has been drained, they might leave you for another person sooner or later. They do not have empathy leading them to completely ignore another person’s emotions and prioritize their nasty desires over their partner’s feelings.

They may leave you when they find someone better than you or to fulfill their magnified needs for lovemaking. To fulfill their empty and shallow life, narcissists gain attention, praise, and whatever they need to present their grandiosity of life. So if they are getting all of these needs fulfilled by someone else in a better manner they might leave you.

Narcissists are selfish and fickle beings. They would always prioritize their needs, their desires, and their well-being over yours.

But this cycle continues in a loop. They may return to their exes once they are fed up and tired of finding new partners and start the dating cycle all over again. Thus their boredom and feelings of being lonely may lead them to reach other exes just to fulfill their lives.

Final Thoughts

The narcissist might want you back for the affection you had for them as they crave attention and affection. They might miss the validation for their fake, unreal, and dual personality, they might miss what you did for them, how you made them feel, and the physical intimacy.

They would not miss you for who you are or your feelings, but they might miss you for how you made them feel special and entitled and made them your priority.

It is not uncommon to continue thinking about an ex-partner even after a breakup, particularly if they were a narcissist. Narcissistic partners can leave a lasting impact on their victims. Try not to be around them and have lingering feelings for the narcissist.

Do not be lured by a narcissist once you break up with them. Just recollect all the bitter memories with them before reconciling. Just keep moving forward.

Yes! Breaking up with a narcissist can be a cynical and delusional act, but once you are out there is no going back.

Trust yourself and all the beautiful emotions that you have regained after breaking up with a narcissist.

Ella Carrillo

Ella Carrillo

Hey Reader, I am Ella, an Online and Offline Therapist holding an experience of 6 years in this field. From Relationship, Depression, and Personality Disorder to Narcissistic problems, I have helped a lot of people find their solutions. Upon gathering a number of common problems that people face, I decided to put the information on this blog so that anyone can get their answers easily.

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